Top Chef: Danger – Deconstruction Zone Ahead
September 30th, 2009
Hey hey hey, what’s up people? I may have spoken about my brush with the culinary world before. I don’t like to talk about it much, because I don’t want people to think I’m trying to be all grand or pretentious. However, I can say that I was a chef for about 11 months at one of the world’s best-known restaurants, making some of the most famous and popular dishes of all time, such as Big Macs™ and Quarter Pounders™ and lemme tell y’all bitches, I was goood. I handled the entire New Year’s Eve Dinner Rush of ’88 all on my own… well, OK, there was another kid named Robert who was supposed to be working the grill with me, but he was literally semi-retarded and kept wandering off to the walk-in fridge to stuff cheese-wrapped McNuggets in his mouth so I wound up working both grills by myself for most of that evening while he made smiley-faces out of pickles on my prep-table and giggled and farted a lot…
…and this is how much I was paid per hour…
Yeah, that’s not a lot of compensation for having to put up with Mr. NuggetChomper McPicklefart all night. Eventually Robert had an “accident” and had to go home. Anyhow on tonight’s episode of Top Chef it’s going to be all about the “deconstruction” of food, which I never realized I actually had experience with, because during my tenure at Mickey-D’s we were still making the fabulous McD.L.T. that is pictured above! For you kids out there under 30 who might have missed out on it, this was a sammich where they kept the sizzlin’-hot meat patty away from the ice-cold lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion, cheese and mayo portion of the burger by means of a bulky (and highly environmentally unfriendly) styrofoam package, and the customer was responsible for putting the two sides together (which would never fly these days, people are too fucking lazy to put their own hamburger together… hell, they’ve barely got the energy to waddle up to the counter and order the damned things! Or maybe that’s just me). Anyhow, after the jump, we’ll get to see 80′s Hooker annoying the shit out of everyone, Sexist Pigshit becoming more and more hostile, and Fat Kid making snide comments about people with terminal illnesses…
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