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In the words of my hero Stewie Griffith, dammit to the bowels of bottomless hell! I don’t like recapping pageants that happen in West Virginia. Those people are usually really nice and not crazy at all, which makes it harder to make fun of them. Not impossible, just harder.

Seriously, YOU’RE in charge of a glitz pageant?
May God have mercy on our souls.
And may he also get a trophy!

Let’s start with the Pageant Director Betty Burns, who we’ve seen before at a previous West Virginia pageant. Sounds like the Marlboro Man has taken up residence in Betty’s throat or at least died there! She explains that the West Virginia “Walk of Fame” (A “Reel” Experience) is one of the most competitive in-state pageants with 68 contestants from four states.

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