Ugh. Shut UP, just SHUT UP everyone:
Woman blames vampire for car crash
The woman said that she was driving her SUV along a dirt road in Colorado’s Grand Valley region on Sunday night when she saw a vampire standing in the middle of the track.
Startled by the appearance of the undead fiend, the immediately put the SUV into reverse, with the result that she drove straight into the canal.
I just. I mean. OK. I have questions numbering 3 for this woman:
a) How did you know it was a vampire from your vantage point in the car? (Related questions: Was it wearing a cape? Baring fangs? Did it either really not want to have sex with you (Twilight vampire) or really want to have sex with you (True Blood vampire)?
b) How do you actually believe in vampires/think this is a valid excuse made by real people?
c) Where do you get your drugs? Because they sound good.
Police say they do not believe drugs or alcohol played any part in the vampire incident.
Alrighty. So now we’ve ruled out drugs. So, between the two remaining possible scenarios of She actually believes in vampires VS. She actually believes this is a good lie to excuse her terrible driving, I hope she believes in vampires. Why? Because I’m feeling EFFING whimsical, that’s why.