Teen Wolf Wins The Belated Award For Longest 80s Movie Montage Ever
July 29th, 2009
I watched a little movie called Teen Wolf last night on HBO Family (note to programmers: families love watching aggressive dressing room wolfsex together), and even though I’ve seen the film upwards of the length of my life divided by the length of the movie times, only on this particular viewing did I realize that the basketball scene at the end of this movie is the longest frickin’ montage in the history of 80s movie montages.
The high school team plays a full half of basketball without Michael J. Fox, then MJF enters the gym and people stare at him for like three minutes, then he declares to the coach and team that he thinks they can win the big game without him as “the wolf,” and only then, after about seven minutes of setup, does the montage below even BEGIN.
An 80s sports montage is supposed to be two minutes of an inspiring comeback set to some dated-ass synth song that quickly jumps ahead to the big final moment between the rivals. The Teen Wolf basketball montage, on the other hand, is over six minutes long, and for the first three minutes, ALL OF THE SCORING IS IN REAL-TIME. If you see them score two baskets, they receive exactly four points on the scoreboard. And for added non-montageness, the rival team still plays decently and makes some baskets during the montage, just so this half of basketball in a movie about a teenager who is also a werewolf doesn’t seem totally absurd.
Below, the entire Teen Wolf basketball montage (with stats to boot!) I’m glad they didn’t shorten this by one second, cause we never would’ve gotten the idea:
Bonus 80s Movie Rule: Your A-hole rival dude is allowed to stand directly under the basket staring you in the face while you take your foul shots.
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