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Now, I’m no Real Housewives of NYC watcher. I prefer my housewives where they should be: In the house, making me a sandwich and doing my laundry, not gallivanting on the television. That being said, I am an avid fan of Countess LuAnn de Lesseps Billboard #1 hit, “Money Can’t Buy You Class” for the lessons it provides and the strong spoken word portion. Which brings me to this news item: Apparently de Lesseps missed the bus to the Hamptons and then got on it but got into a fight with the driver and then whatever. Who cares. The point is, at the end of the article, Page Six mentions that:

LuAnn will perform her song, “Money Can’t Buy You Class,” with cannons shooting out cash tomorrow at the Best Buddies benefit at the Hamptons estate of Jay McInerney and Anne Hearst.

AWESOME. Also, WHAT. Is this a joke? It’s a joke. No, it’s not a joke. Real money? Like, money money? Because this seems awfully like the scene in Michael Keaton’s Batman wherein the Joker showers Manhattan with money just before releasing deadly gas into the air. Point being: Countess LuAnn de Lesseps might kill us all. Also, fair warning, Countess LuAnn: I went to the Ke$ha concert last night and her glitter gun malfunctioned. Just a bunch of gas was released into the air. No glitter. I was convinced that we would all die. Because when you just see gas released from a gun, you get nervous. And that is not how I want to go. Point being, Countess, please do not upset Manhattan’s elite. Double check your money-shooting cannon to make sure that money actually shoots from it so that the millionaires can laughingly and ironically reach for it, as opposed to the desperate fashion that I would jump and claw my way towards it. If no money is released, it just sounds like a cannon went off and people will freak out. At least I would. OK, have fun!

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Related posts:

1. DEBUT TAINT BALLS: “Money Can’t Buy You Class” by Countess Luann
2. “Money Can’t Buy You Class” Music Video Fails To Deliver On The Song’s Terrible Potential
3. My Mother Recaps the Real Housewives: There is the Low Class, and Jill Is The Lowest Class
4. A Conversation With the Countess: LuAnn Talks New Song, ‘Real Housewives’ Regrets
5. Conan’s Final Money-Wasting Prank: $500,000 For Tom Hanks’ Entrance Music