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Liza Minnelli could pretty much do anything the hell she wants, including but not limited to selling sequined thanks also seen at Marshall’s on the Home Shopping Network, and we would have no choice but to give her a standing ovation while also throwing hundreds of thousands of dollars at her feet. Where were we? Ah yes.

Liza Minnelli appeared on HSN. If you watched it, you’re probably reading this post with a velveteen throw draped casually across your collarbone, while your stainless steel bangles clink sexily against the peach formica of the desk in your study. If you missed it, your clavicle is probably freezing, and your wrist is looking sadly undecorated. But don’t worry. Because fellow VH1 blogger and internet sensation Rich Juzwiak sat through all however many minutes long she was on to bring you Liza Minnelli’s Greatest HSN Hits! Try not to confuse this video for the National Treasure 3 trailer.

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