HUG-E-GRAM: Send Your Valentine Some Severed Arms To Hug Themselves!

Want to hug your loved one this Valentine’s Day, but you just can’t manage to get in the same room as them to do so? Now, you can send them something that is literally the exact same thing with the new Hug-E-Gram, a pair of inanimate arms you can mail to your special someone so they can wrap it around themselves and try really hard to delude themselves into believing it’s something resembling a hug:

The website even lists the many reasons why sending severed arms is a perfect Valentine’s gift:

- It shows you love someone when you cannot be there

- It is a unique gift that lasts forever

- It lets you feel a hug anytime you need one

- It has Hamburger Helper hands for some reason*

- I’d sooner have my ghost spirit inhabit the body of Whoopi Goldberg to hug my Valentine before I’d send her one of these*

[*Possibly added my me]

So who will YOU be sending a Hug-E-Gram to this Valentine’s Day? I was thinking my mother, but then I realized she might mistakenly interpret the severed arms as some sort of mob threat, freak out, and enter the Witness Protection Program, so maybe I’ll have to just stick with my usual Whoopi Goldberg Ghost option.

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