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Face it, ladies: You’re never gonna snuggle with Robert Pattinson. So why not just accept the hundredth next best thing, and buy one of these giant, long-necked creepy blobs that will f***ing murder you?

Who knew Robert Pattinson bore such a resemblance to the bounty hunters from Critters? It’s the surefire way to get your Twilight-loving daughter to stay up all night muttering “Can’t sleep…Robert Pattinson will eat me…”

Two more equally creepy pics after the jump:

[Manufacturer's Note: Hiding behind books will not prevent you from being murdered. It'll actually get you murdered quicker, somehow]

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5. Any of You Ladies Want to Date Robert Pattinson?