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Do you live in the greater New York or Philly area and are a terrible cook who constantly deserves to be punched?

You’re in luck, because Craigslist just posted an open casting call for Hell’s Kitchen contestants!

I’ve pasted the ad below, along with my handy translations of their requirements after the jump:

CASTING-FOX TV-HELL’S KITCHEN-LOOKING FOR CHEFS (Greater NY/NJ/CONN/PHILLY area)

CASTING IMMEDIATELY IN THE GREAT NY/NJ/CONN/PHILLY AREA

FOX TV’S – HELL’S KITCHEN starring Chef Gordon Ramsay is looking for the BEST of the BEST¹ to work beside him in the HOTTEST² kitchen on Earth!

Can YOU stand the heat?³

CASTING is searching for Chefs, 21 and over, who are outspoken⁴, competitive⁵ and can stand the HEAT⁶ in one of the MOST EXCLUSIVE and TOUGHEST kitchens in the world.⁷

If you are interested in auditioning IMMEDIATELY and think you have what it takes to SMOKE the competition⁸, EMAIL US IMMEDIATELY:

EMAIL : Twinsworld1@aol.com

Please put “Hell’s Kitchen in the subject title and YOU MUST INCLUDE your name , CONTACT TEL #, age, occupation, a recent photo⁹, where you live (city & state), why you would be a good candidate for “Hell’s Kitchen”¹⁰. Make sure you talk about your culinary experience and passion for the industry.¹¹

After the jump, let’s translate what Hell’s Kitchen is actually looking for:

1 - “Worst.”

2 - The breath from Gordon yelling “You f***ing c*nt!!!!” tends to increase the temperature of the kitchen.

3 - Are you willing to stand there dispassionately while Gordon calls you a “f***ing worthless wanker” for the fifth time so the Fox cameras can get a close-up?

4 - “Outspoken” = Will you say “No” to something Gordon tells you in the pilot episode, allowing for him to explode into a bleep-filled rant to set the tone for the season?

5 - “Competitive” = Ignorant of how bad you are at cooking.

6 - We cannot stress enough that you will be required to stand the heat.

7 - “The world” = The .01 mile radius directly around the restaurant Hell’s Kitchen.

8 - A component of fire, which the kitchen will have lots of.

9 - Special consideration for doughy people who look like they’ll be fun to watch attempt motor skills.

10 - For example, “I am alive and I cannot cook food in even the loosest sense of the word.”

11 - …So that Gordon can add “AND you have your own f***ing restaurant?? Christ al-f***ing f*ckmighty!!!!!”

Go to Source

Related posts:

1. Meet the ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ Season 8 Cast
2. Ben Gets Grilled on ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ (VIDEO)
3. Heading Into the Finale of ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ (VIDEO)
4. On ‘Hell’s Kitchen,’ the Contestants Have a Perfect Night (VIDEO)
5. ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ – ‘Episode One’ Recap (Season Premiere)