An Open Letter To The Man Ogling Sex Ads On The Train
May 22nd, 2010
On one hand, I totally get it. You know, sometimes you just need to have sex. There’s nothing wrong with having sex. I like to have sex too. And as I snapped this picture of you on my iPhone I realized that sex doesn’t always come easily for guys who aren’t as good looking and charming as myself. If you feel like having sex when you’re riding the subway, it’s not like you can ask a random girl to get off at the next stop, trek up to your fourth-floor studio walk-up, and let you mount her. I probably could, if I really wanted to. But you look like you’re past your prime. Not to be superficial, but my batting average is probably higher than yours. We’re not in the same league, you know?
So you turn to sex ads when you have the urge. No biggie. We all have needs. Yours are apparently satisfied by petite Asian women. I couldn’t help but notice that you were particularly fond of that Japanese one in the white bikini. That’s cool. She’s pretty hot. But I have a few questions for you.
First, how did you become so frank and unreserved? Could anything at all possibly embarrass you? I’d imagine that most people who look at sex ads do everything in their power to hide the fact that they look at them. But you were spreading out those sex ads like you were studying the help wanted section at your kitchen table.
I’d also like to know whether you were aware that everyone could see you getting super stoked about these petite Asian women in the train? If so, then do you get some kind of satisfaction from knowing that people are watching you ogle these petite Asian women? Not to be judgmental, but that would be kind of weird. Please write back. xoxo, Matt
P.S. I put that rectangle over your face to protect your identity. I’m sorry if you would have preferred to have your face exposed for all BWE readers to see.
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