American SuicIdol: Didgeridon’t Let Me Down
April 8th, 2010
Oh, American Idol. No matter how awful your contestants may be, or how many times I may loudly announce that I am over and done with this season, we both know the truth. Much like homosexual cowboys in the 1960s, I just can’t quit you.1
And for good reason! Even your trainwrecks are sublime television. Take last night’s theme, The Beatles, where each contestant lent a hand in digging up the corpse of John Lennon and then publicly urinating all over him while Ringo stood off on the sidelines, crying. OK, we’re being a little harsh. Certain singers were alright! Casey James’ “Jealous Guy” gave me goosebumps… and not only because of the results of his amazing curl activator.
But Katie Stevens is still failing to impress me. Like, even drunk at karaoke I’d be flipping the pages of the song book with my vodka straw hanging out of my mouth in boredom. Andrew Garcia is still weirding me out with those eyes, and if I have to see Michael Lynche lick his lips one more gee-dee time… he’s almost taught me to hate mouths as a whole. And Siobhan Magnus WHAT HAPPENED? You were our absolute favorite!! And you’re starting to sound like a dying giraffe.
But nothing… NOTHING… could come close to by far the highlight of Idol last night: The Bagpiper Cameo from Heaven. I mean. It was just one of those glorious television moments that happen so rarely, but when they do happen, are so freaking precious. The bagpiper was the Titanic necklace of American Idol last night.
Here is a brand new American SuicIdol: Beatles Week Edition. People with epilepsy and/or irrational fear of didgeridoos might want to steer clear.
1 And the award for the timeliest reference of the day goes to…
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