Best Television Shows

Today it has been announced that Ellen Degeneres will be replacing our beloved Paula Abdul as the 4th host of American Idol, which will be a nice, sweater-vested compliment to Kara Dioguardi Slutty Slut Slut to the Slut Power. While we were and still are crushed that Paula will not be joining for the upcoming season, we are fans of Ellen, and think she might actually bring some — gasp — intelligent humor to America’s hottest spotlight, with a side of trademarked dancing, no less. So in the end, everybody wins! (Except for Paula, who will one day be forgotten in a QVC warehouse until many, many years later, when authorities find her bones splayed across the concrete floor bedecked in cubic zircon, as beautiful as the day she was born.)

So how will the show change with Ellen around? Well, for starters, she will finally give the courage to a certain someone to shed his mask and show the world who he truly is:

We would have used Ryan’s face, but frankly, we don’t want to never work in this town again.

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