Archive for June, 2010
Hola Gasmii! P-Baby reporting for duty, here to go over the newest DVD to hit the shelves this week. Unlike my last new release DVD review where the Pattinson crapped all over me, The Crazies was actually my first choice to recap due to two reasons. 1. It’s in my favorite genre of films and 2. Timothy Olyphant.
The Crazies was released towards the end of February this year, the latest Hollywood serving of infectious diseases, zombies, aliens, or masked killer causing chaos in Middle-Of-Fucking-Nowhere USA. I never understood why some of these scary movies don’t wait until October to come out. To me, it seems like a perfect way to capitalize on the horror genre. Saw comes out towards the end of October almost every year, and those assholes are up to like 37 sequels, with absolutely no merciful end in sight.
The Crazies is set in the quaint farming town of Ogeden Marsh, Iowa. We are introduced to an attractive blonde doctor named Judy Dutton, played by Radha Mitchell, who is finishing up some paperwork at her job at the local hospital with help from her employee Becca Darling, played by Danielle Panabaker.
Since Doctor Judy is the fairest maiden in all of Ogden Marsh, she managed to bag herself the big man on campus, Sheriff David Dutton, who is currently shirking his duties as enforcer of the law and lolligagging about at the opening game of Ogden Marsh’s high school baseball season.
As all good sheriffs do, Sheriff David has a deputy named Russell Clank who happens to see town local Rory Hamill approaching the field with a shotgun. Rory refuses to drop his weapon after repeated demands from Sheriff David, forcing David to shoot him dead on centerfield, leaving behind his distraught wife and son.
As the next day or so passes, Doctor Judy and Sheriff David begin to realize the residents in their town are acting quite strange. Some of the symptoms include slow response time and repetitive answers.
Another town local named Deardra Farnum brings her husband Bill to see Doctor Judy after he seems unresponsive to anything. Doctor Judy runs the typical diagnostic tests on Bill, deeming his vitals normal but wanting to conduct more tests in the near future. Too bad for Deardra, as Bill kills her and his son Nicholas in a fire the next night.
Sheriff David and Deputy Russell stumble upon a dead Soldier in the woods, which lead them to find his downed aircraft that has conveniently begun leaking toxins right into the town’s water supply.
We find out that the infected townspeople become extremely aggressive with the need to attack and kill other people. As Sheriff David tries to convince Doctor Judy to haul ass out of town, they get detained by the military at a temporary holding camp set up at the high school.
At the camp, Doctor Judy makes the astute observation that since they are being checked for high temperatures, the infection is most likely viral in nature. Doctor Judy’s temperature pops too high for the military’s liking and is immediately whisked away to be quarantined. Speaking of Quarantine, that movie sucked donkey dick big time.
She attempts to explain to the military dudes that her high temperature is just due to her pregnancy but her explanations fall on deaf ears as she is strapped to a gurney. Right as this is happening, the perimeter of the facility is breached. The military decide to just leave, with no regard for the room full of quarantined patients left behind, which also includes Doctor Judy’s employee Becca. At the forgotten room, Doctor Judy is terrified to find that Principal Sandborn has been infected and is going around stabbing patients with a pitchfork.
While Doctor Judy is undergoing some seriously fucked-up prenatal care, Sheriff David manages to escape and link back up with Deputy Russell. He of course arrives in time to save Doctor Judy and Becca from Principal Pitchfork.
Now that the gang is finally back together, Sheriff David, Deputy Russell, Doctor Judy and Becca Who Is Not Worthy Of A Name begin to form an escape plan to get past the road blocks surrounding the town.
As they continue their journey, the group gets attacked at an old car wash resulting in Becca’s death. Good, because Becca was really grating on my last nerve for the five minutes she was on screen.
Unfortunately, it is right about this time that Deputy Russell begins to show signs of complete lunacy, which means he is indeed infected. Succombing to his fate, he uses himself as a distraction to allow Sheriff David and Doctor Judy to get past barricade guards and escape.
Sheriff David and Doctor Judy finally reach a truck stop that they believe will have supplies to help further their escape as well as locate a working vehicle. After Sheriff David tells Doctor Judy to stay put, she decides to wander around the parking lot and discovers a truck full of dead bodies, indicating the military were also killing people that weren’t infected. I FUCKING HATE when people in scary movies do not do what they are told. How hard is it to stay in one spot for 5 minutes???!?! I sit on my couch for hours at a time, which equates to like a billion 5 minute intervals. People need to learn some self-control and discipline. They manage to escape in a truck just in time to see Ogden Marsh have what appears to be a nuclear bomb dropped on it. I suppose that’s one effective way to destroy a town of give or take 1000 people.
The tail end shows Sheriff David and Doctor Judy approaching on the great metropolis of Cedar Rapids, Iowa. The requisite open ending leaving room for shitty sequel shows a military monitor focus in on Cedar Rapids and initiating containment protocol. Oh boy, can’t wait!
Well, as much as I want to bone down on Timothy Olyphant, this movie was just ok and teetering on boring. This movie didn’t contain nearly enough beloved horror movie campiness to fill P-Baby’s trashtastic appetite. The acting was ok, the story was ok…nothing stood out that was extremely good or bad. I just don’t know how many time we feel the need to tell the story of a mutant strain virus infecting people and making them go crazy or melting their flesh. Obviously, we have already achieved virus infection gold with the transcendent film Cabin Fever. Rider Strong? Flesh-eating virus? I’ll be there with bells on.
Venti Kardashian, and Lamar Odom are getting their own spinoff on E! Wow, big Shocker to that news! The series will follow the couple, and of course, Khloe trying to be a step-mom to Lamar’s kids. I know that poor Khloe gets a bad rap for being the ugliest, the fattest, and the most annoying Kardashian sister, but you have to admit, she does have the most personality out of all of them…I never said it was likable, it’s just bigger than the other two sisters (among other things).
With that said, I wouldn’t mind watching Khloe have a nervous breakdown when her new kids ask her how babies are made. What would Khloe say? “Um, I dunno, they’re part of the dowry. Daddy bought me a house, and you were in it…kind of like a diorama with built-in people.”
The show starts shooting in a few weeks, and it’s going to be a fake-reality-scripted mess! Before I leave this post, I have one question: what’s with all the NBA wives being reality stars? Is it their way of being the biggest fish on the bleachers? Because, I’m over it.
Filed under: TV News
The ‘Entourage’ season 7 finale will have a decidedly musical twist this year, with Eminem and Christina Aguilera making appearances. According to TVGuide.com, Mr. Slim Shady will play himself in the episode, during which he gets into a row with Vince (Adrian Grenier). Aguilera, meanwhile, will play one of Ari Gold’s (Jeremy Piven) clients.
According to the report, the scene between Vince and Eminem will happen at a platinum record party for the rapper’s new album. Eminem released his new album, ‘Recovery,’ on June 18. His single, ‘Not Afraid,’ is currently number nine on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.
Filed under: TV Replay
Summer’s here, and that means a new season of food challenges and mind games on ‘Big Brother.’ On ‘The Early Show’ (weekdays, 7AM ET on CBS), Julie Chen spoke to ‘Big Brother’ Executive Producer Allison Grodner and met the next cast of the reality show.
Filed under: TV News
Forget about the World Cup, the oil spill, the economy and the Supreme Court confirmation hearings, because today CBS’s ‘The Early Show’ revealed the biggest news story of the summer: the cast of ‘Big Brother.’
Yes, that’s right: season 12 of ‘Big Brother’ is finally (almost) here, and Julie Chen herself was on hand in the wee hours to unveil the line-up to a breathless television world. Over the past 10 years, ‘Big Brother’ has slowly morphed from ‘Survivor’s’ ugly step-sister into a major player in its own right, with last year’s ‘Big Brother 11′ experiencing a bit of a rating renaissance thanks in part to the show’s unique around the clock live cable feed.
So what will viewers and voyeurs get to see on that eye in the sky this season? From the looks of it: plenty. This year’s cast features an impressive mix of self-confident (and self-centered) folks, many of whom are all too happy to brag about their ability to lie, cheat and backstab their way to “success.” Add in a couple of hunky athletes, an orthodox Jew and a professor who appears to be a gay Doctor Who, and you have a mix for surefire television combustion.
Filed under: TV Previews
Here’s tonight’s lineup of new shows and events (all times Eastern). Check your local TV listings for additional information.
* = Series/Season Premiere
** = Series/Season Finale
Most of the action takes place on the cable channels this evening.
8:00 to 9:00
FOX: ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ — Two hours
CNBC: ‘America’s Crude Reality’ — Profile on America’s addiction to oil
DisneyXD: ‘Aaron Stone’ and ‘Naruto: Shippuden’
DIY: ‘Money Hunters’ — 8:30 start
HGTV: ‘Property Virgins’
NatGeo: ‘Lethal Action’
NatGeo WILD: ‘Rebel Monkeys’ — Two episodes
The rest of the schedule, and the late night talk shows, after the jump.
Filed under: Recaps
(S06E01) If these last two seasons are to be Tommy’s redemption, then he’s got a long road ahead of him. He didn’t reach this level of despair and misery overnight, and he’s not going to get out of it right away either. There’s no guarantee that he will, but the tone of ‘Rescue Me’ has always reminded me of a modern-day Shakespearean comedy, which means everything will mostly work out alright in the end.
It’s just going to be a hell of a ride getting there. Especially if Mickey is behind the wheel, but now I’m getting ahead of myself.
Filed under: TV News
All those years of portraying government officials on shows like ‘The West Wing’ and ‘Brothers & Sisters’ seem to have grown on Rob Lowe — so much so that he has decided to base a new series on real-life up-and-comers in the nation’s capital.
According to the Washington Post, Lowe has teamed up with production company 44 Blue to launch a new reality series titled ‘Potomac Fever.’ The show would focus on a group of young Washingtonians as they try to make headway in the politically-charged District of Columbia.
According to Lowe, his affinity for the adventures of young Washingtonians is the reason he decided to help create the series. “They live and love at the center of world power,” he said. “I can’t wait to tell their stories.”
Filed under: Features
I’m jealous of Larry King.
No, really, I am. Not of his family life or his sartorial choices (he’s too pigeon-shouldered for those suspenders), but of his interviewing skills.
You heard me. As a guy who’s done his fair share of celebrity interviews over the years, to the point where I’m starting to forget who I’ve spoken to and when, I’ve always marveled at how Larry was able to get the people who came into his studio to open up and get personal with him.
In the olden days of magazines, reporters would have to hang out with their subjects for weeks on end, or delve deeply into their subjects’ lives via research and reporting in order to get so personal. King, on the other hand, managed to do it in just under an hour, when the only research he may have is a few quotes and what the subject’s next project was.
Now that King has decided to semi-retire, that style will be hard to replicate. How was he able to do it?
From now through the end of July, we’re going to be taking a quick look at the fall and mid-season pilots that the networks sent to critics after their upfront presentations.
Keep in mind that in each case, our opinions are based on a pilot that could be completely recast and reworked between now and the fall.
Show: ‘Hawaii Five-O’
Timeslot: Mondays, 10PM ET
The lowdown: A remake of the classic CBS cop drama that ran from 1968-80. CBS’s favorite actor, Alex O’Loughlin, plays Steve McGarrett, the role originated by Jack Lord. A top Naval intelligence officer, he returns to his home in Hawaii after a notorious terrorist kills his father. He’s hired by the governor (Jean Smart) to create a police task force that has complete immunity and authority to expunge the scum by any means possible. On his team, McGarrett recruits Danny “Dano” Williams (Scott Caan), a displaced detective from New Jersey, Chin Ho Kelly (Daniel Dae Kim), who left the force under suspicion of wrongdoing, and Kona Kalakaua (Grace Park), a young but tough rookie who’s also Chin Ho’s cousin.