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Archive for October, 2009

Britney Spears’ latest dance single “3″ is an ode to orgies. But the music video released for the song is so much more: Call it an “Eau’d to Orgies.” That’s because it is part trashy skanktown sing this song music video as well as an infomercial for Britney’s perfume “Fantasy.”

The video is typical Britney: Plenty of hair mussing, Cher’s outfit from “If I Could Turn Back Time” mixed with quick camera cuts that fool the eye into believe that Britney is actually dancing, women and gay guys fighting for the chance of rubbin’ all up on the pop superstar. The only thing missing is a cameo appearance by Rosie from The Jetsons, the song’s original artist. But it’s really the subtlety of the fragrant product placement that reminds us that Britney Spears is not a woman: She is a machine sent back from the future with the sole purpose of making us all smell like $8 meth sluts. And to put it simple, we can’t thank her enough.

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Continuing our annual talk show Halloween costume rounds, here’s Regis Philbin as a more accurate Susan Boyle than either would like to admit, and Kelly Ripa as Trite Costume Of The Year ‘09, Lady Gaga. (Trite Cotume Of The Year for men? I’m guessing it’s gonna beeeee……Darth Maul.)

Nice costume on Trump, though — I’d recognize The Billionaire Wig anywhere! (click that link for one of my favorite posts ever).

(via ONTD)

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Adam Lambert’s debut single, “For Your Entertainment”, has been released courtesy of American Idol empresario Ryan Seacrest. One might call the single “highly anticipated”, if that person is this person:

Let’s face it: People have been strapped to the back of a missile Looney Tunes stylewaiting to hear what Lambert was going to serve to us, and his debut single is the match that was to light the comically long fuse. Here is a helpful diagram:

The genius of Adam Lambert’s voice is that it is only limited by the material given to it. He can tear apart any song – slow, fast, ranging from Porgy & Bessish from the balls deep to castrated hummingbird on meth glass shattering peaks (and before you ask, yes, this makes perfect sense). So his big debut single would have to be surpassing the usual or ordinary, particularly in scope or size… i.e. the definition of epic.

Which is why — and I fear I will make a lot of enemies saying this — I found myself a little disappointed while listening to “For Your Entertainment.” Don’t get me wrong: It’s good, poppy, dancy, garbagey fun. But frankly, there is so much auto-tune and post-production put into this song, it could have been sung by just about anyone. And I mean anyone: Even the earhole-less Real Housewife of Atlanta Kim Zolciak could have made this single work. And to be honest, the song itself is pretty repetitive in a way that leaves us wanting more… or just something else.

The one thing it does have going for it is that it seems to be about dirty, rough sex. So that’s a plus.

Now, to be fair, I had a very similar reaction upon the first 124 listens to Britney Spears’ “Womanizer”, a song which I eventually wrapped in a fleece papoose and uploaded onto my Ipod using a bit of the ol’ remorse code. So if “Womanizer” could grow on me, certainly with enough plays I will come around to this song too. For example, 4 cosmos to the wind, this song comes on, my top is 100 percent coming off. And the verdict over at ONTD is that people love love love the song.

Either way, here is the single for your own ears only. Feel free to tear me apart in the comments, or tell me that I’ve just lost my way in life.

What do you think? Should I just go ahead and drink the Kool-Aid on this one? After my 7th listening, I’m already softening…

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Last night’s Office episode involved Michael learning from Jim the art of self-parody, which segued surprisingly nicely into a 30 Rock episode which featured no fewer than three cameos of other celebrities doing exactly that. With Extras off the air, it appears 30 Rock has become the hotspot for celeb self-parodies, peaking with the “Kidney Now!” song and continuing in full force with last night’s episode.

Here’s Tracy Jordan putting in a phone call to old friend Betty White, his go-to “about to die” celebrity:

After the jump, Jimmy Fallon jumps on the self-parody train:

That’s your first guest? Yeah.

The episode also featured an in-character performance by a certain racist, soul-suckingly unfunny ventriloquist, but no need to mention names.

Best line of the episode? “I’ll eat a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honor.”

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Yesterday was all about the love. Everyone at the women’s prison loves Levi Johnston, Dr. Bailey loves a tumor on Grey’s Anatomy, Kim Zolciak from Real Housewives of Atlanta loves people to know she’s on TV (even in an emergency), and Tiffany Haddish would love to tell you about these stories on Best Day Ever:

Catch another new episode of Best Day Ever with Tiffany Haddish tonight at 11pm on VH1.

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Tonight on Project Runway, the show apologizes for all the hacky shit boring ass work of this season by having the designers recreate it. Uh…thanks?

And closing my mouth while I eat.

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This is it, Gasmi. We’ve made it through all the audition episodes, through the grueling Vegas week, through the filler filled selection episode, and now we are to be rewarded. Tonight we get to see each of the top twenty dancers perform a routine in their own genre. It will be the first time we see more than a snippet of some of them, and for others we will get to see them perform again. And for one performer, it will be the last time we see him this season. 

THIS. Is So You Think You Can Dance (dance……..dance)!

Bye Bye Billy, we hardly knew ye. 

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Hey, what ya doin’? Well whatever it is just don’t paint, because working with watercolors will F you up for sure. At least that’s the message I took away from the lastest episode of Dollhouse. So, make the jump and see just what the hell I’m talking about now.

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Hey, a lot happens in five shows. Let’s get right into it!

COMEDY CORRESPONDENTS
Arsenio Hall was featured twice this week. His first appearance was in a segment that had potential called “This Is What They Said/This Is What They Meant.” I was expecting to see video clips of celebrities, politicians and the like spouting their same bullcrap, and then having Hall tell us what he thinks they really meant. Instead, it was Leno reading quotes, including historically famous ones like Julius Ceasar’s “Et tu, Brute!” The gag didn’t make sense anymore, and even worse the bits weren’t funny.

Luckily, he came back later in the week with an on-site spot at Yankee Stadium, where he interviewed players from both teams and even set up a bet against a Yankees player and Phillies fan Kevin Eubanks involving Snuggies.

Continue reading Leno Weekly: Chelsea Handler, Dr. Phil, Ewan McGregor and more!

Filed under: OpEd, Episode Reviews, Reality-Free, Jay Leno

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(S09E06) Tonight’s episode had everything but the metaphorical kitchen sink. There was a lot going on. We had the rather amusing attempt by Lois to score a morning show job, the start of Green Arrow finding his sidekick Speedy and a little more Tess/Zod action.

In all the years I’ve watched or read Superman in various forms, I’ve never seen him go on an online date. I would have enjoyed watching more of that, particularly with Lois whispering in his ear. Isn’t it illegal to tape someone without their permission (unless you’re the government)? What would Clark write on his profile anyway? ” Can lift cars, run real fast and shoot lasers out of my eyes. No Kryptonite, please. Must love farm animals.”

Continue reading Review: Smallville – Crossfire

Filed under: Smallville, Episode Reviews, Reality-Free

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