Best Television Shows

Archive for September, 2009

Last week we were treated to two entire back to back episodes of Hell’s Kitchen so I decided to something different here and just cover then both in one recap. Besides, I’m lazy and I still have 2 hours of DWTS to do so it just makes sense. Let’s see what the Chefabes are up to in Part One.

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Ok, one hour down, one to go! We start part two of Grey’s Anatomy on Day 20, of life after George and Meredith is still monologing about the stages of grief. And on Day 20, people are kind of taking it easy. We open to Lexie sitting in the room with a sleeping Seviche, Yang and the Major just lying in bed kind of smirking at each other and a very sullen Amanda (girl who George saved) sitting on the bench outside the hospital….just staring.

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Hey hey hey, what’s up people? I may have spoken about my brush with the culinary world before. I don’t like to talk about it much, because I don’t want people to think I’m trying to be all grand or pretentious. However, I can say that I was a chef for about 11 months at one of the world’s best-known restaurants, making some of the most famous and popular dishes of all time, such as Big Macs™ and Quarter Pounders™ and lemme tell y’all bitches, I was goood. I handled the entire New Year’s Eve Dinner Rush of ’88 all on my own… well, OK, there was another kid named Robert who was supposed to be working the grill with me, but he was literally semi-retarded and kept wandering off to the walk-in fridge to stuff cheese-wrapped McNuggets in his mouth so I wound up working both grills by myself for most of that evening while he made smiley-faces out of pickles on my prep-table and giggled and farted a lot…

…and this is how much I was paid per hour…

Yeah, that’s not a lot of compensation for having to put up with Mr. NuggetChomper McPicklefart all night. Eventually Robert had an “accident” and had to go home. Anyhow on tonight’s episode of Top Chef it’s going to be all about the “deconstruction” of food, which I never realized I actually had experience with, because during my tenure at Mickey-D’s we were still making the fabulous McD.L.T. that is pictured above! For you kids out there under 30 who might have missed out on it, this was a sammich where they kept the sizzlin’-hot meat patty away from the ice-cold lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion, cheese and mayo portion of the burger by means of a bulky (and highly environmentally unfriendly) styrofoam package, and the customer was responsible for putting the two sides together (which would never fly these days, people are too fucking lazy to put their own hamburger together… hell, they’ve barely got the energy to waddle up to the counter and order the damned things! Or maybe that’s just me). Anyhow, after the jump, we’ll get to see 80′s Hooker annoying the shit out of everyone, Sexist Pigshit becoming more and more hostile, and Fat Kid making snide comments about people with terminal illnesses…

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Okay, who’s up for a new season of Dollhouse? Come on, we’re going to catch up with all our friends from last season, and watch Eliza Dushku bring down an international arms dealer using only three facial expressions. So make the jump and let’s get to the good stuff.

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I’ll give Leno credit for getting creative in the ways he’s starting to incorporate celebrities into bits and segments. It fills time for him and gives them their plug opportunities. Tonight, he trotted out three of The Real Housewives of Orange County for a “Battle of the Jaywalk All-Stars Challenge.” And … wow.

I don’t watch The Real Houswives of anywhere, but if this is the intellectual capacity of their “stars,” then I’m glad I don’t. I couldn’t tell if they were putting on an act or if they were being themselves. Either way, it was obnoxious and I wanted to reach through the screen and strangle each of them. The blondes were enforcing stereotypes left and right!

If it was all an act, then that’s even more unfortunate, because it means they’re playing characters rather than being themselves. What? A reality show that’s less than real? It was funny that their first reaction to seeing a picture of Nancy Pelosi was that she needed botox. And of course, they had no idea who she was, or anyone else.

Continue reading The Jay Leno Show: Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Filed under: OpEd, Episode Reviews, Reality-Free, Jay Leno

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(S08E03) Perhaps as a response to no one going home last week, or maybe it was always in the cards, but tonight saw the elimination of entire teams as opposed to the individual elimination of week one that sent Alexandra home. This meant that the stakes couldn’t be higher as everyone was going to have to pull their weight to shed those pounds and keep their team safe, right?

You’d think so.

In a very interesting and revealing twist, Alison announced that this week on The Biggest Loser Ranch, it was all about choices. As such, she set up several scenarios, challenges and temptations whereby people could make choices that could not only affect their fate in the game, but everyone else’s, as well. Let me tell you, choices were made and all hell broke loose!

Continue reading The Biggest Loser: Week Three

Filed under: Other Reality Shows, OpEd, Episode Reviews

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(S07E02) After last week’s action packed NCIS, you might think that tonight’s episode would be more sedate. Not really. There was a gruesome murder scene at the open, and plenty of mystery involving a cop who was out for revenge, but all that was a backdrop for something far more interesting. Ziva’s return to the fold. More after the jump.

Continue reading NCIS: Reunion

Filed under: OpEd, NCIS, Episode Reviews, Reality-Free

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(S09E05) Monday was the first night that all fourteen contestants danced against each other on Dancing with the Stars. With the help of Baz Lurhmann, the scores were too close for week two.

We get the first opening sequence and I vomited seeing it. With too many contestants, the names and faces swooped by too fast in swirled high-def colors. Having Macy Gray and Ashley Hamilton back to back is ironic and laughable.

Samantha is apparently growing a nest for birds. I kept trying to look for myself in her mirror neck-piece. It’s a shame because the dress is pretty, but the hair and accessories failed her.

Continue reading Dancing with the Stars: Performance 2 Results

Filed under: OpEd, Dancing With The Stars, Episode Reviews

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(S02E04) – “If you come across something that don’t make you miserable, enjoy it.” – Chief Unser to Tara

Was I the only human being on the planet who was completely snowed by the BS claim that SAMCRO was headed out of town to do a charity blood drive for Charming? The thought of any shady dealings never crossed my mind for a second. I probably wouldn’t even have any doubts if they devised a charity scheme that’s more their speed like a “Ride Joust for Diabetes” or a “100-Yard Coke Line Snort for Macular Degeneration.”

It’s not a sign of my stupidity. Believe me, I’ve got much more convincing signs of that. For instance, I drive a Pontiac, a brand new Pontiac … with a 30,000 mile warranty.

It’s a sign that the characters are becoming more endearing and real and they play on your emotions more than if they were just flat images on a high definition television screen. They are flesh and blood and bone, and all the little synapses and thoughts that make them human beings are connecting. They have made the audience, or at least the audience that sits in my living room each week, part of their family.

Continue reading Sons of Anarchy: Eureka

Filed under: Reality-Free, Sons of Anarchy

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Happy Valentine’s Day, ESPN! Did you hear the news about one of the smartest guys in Major League Baseball ever? Bobby Valentine is joining ESPN’s Baseball Tonight as an analyst. How do I know that Bobby’s so smart? He told me so. Me and every other sports fan in the New York metropolitan area when he was there as the New York Mets manager.

Seriously, though, Bobby V. is a very, very savvy baseball man. He was a player, a coach and a manager. He was the Mets manager during their last foray into the World Series. Remember the Subway Series, Yankees vs. Mets?

Continue reading Bobby Valentine joins ESPN’s Baseball Tonight

Filed under: Sports, OpEd, Celebrities, Casting, Reality-Free

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