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Dakota Fanning, it’s safe to say, is a pretty great actress. She’s been acting since back in the day when her name was “Anonymous Zygot.” She’s worked with some of the best directors in cinematic history. She’s grown into a very pretty young woman.

Dakota’s such a powerful actress, she was cast as Cherie Currie, the 16-year-old lead singer of 70s “jailbait rock” band The Runaways, alongside Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett. Today we get our first music video from the film, Dakota’s cover of “Cherry Bomb.” And even though movies like Avatar and Alice in Wonderland are now possible thanks to the wonders of technology, this clip will very clearly prove that no director on Earth could CGI being a huge teenage whore. It’s all just so innocent seeming. Where’s Taylor Momsen when you need her?

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Tonight, American Idol proves….well nothing. It proves nothing. But the women were better. There. You feeling sad yet? Wanna feel sadder? Keep reading.

The only difference between you and me is MY TEARS ARE REAL! And you’re thinner. And prettier. And more barren. And richer. But we’re just as balding! Why do I feel the need to know you? WHY?!

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Happy Post-Oscars, everyone! Could you all believe how bad the hair was at this year’s show? I don’t know if it was the rain, or if Sarah Jessica Parker was trying to look all freshly-fucked on purpose to combat those nasty rumors about her and Matthew Broderick’s marriage being on the rocks, but Tabatha would have agreed that there was a big need for some smoothing styling product. However, that cannot compare with the big news that I have for you guys! (((deep breath))) Last Saturday we WENT TO BRIG’S SALON IN SIMI VALLEY!!! My friend Garilyn was in need of a haircut and I convinced him that it would be fun to go see the strip-mall where Miss Wacky Wee-Wee Wigs works…

…I had to promise him she wouldn’t be allowed do anything like this to him…

…and actually, we only missed seeing BrigADocious by about an hour! I have to be honest, her salon “p!ay” is exactly as I would have expected it to be, it’s the perfect environment for her, and of course there was a giant poster of Shear Genius in the window! More on that later, though, let’s get to the episode itself after the jump…

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Don’t blame me. Those are the facts, or as near to the facts as you can get with addicts. Within one year of rehab, 80% will relapse. I hope our group does better.

It’s been a long nine weeks for us Gasmii, but only 3 for the patients, and the day of reckoning is upon us.

Some have made remarkable strides while others have barely begun to make any progress whatsoever. Either way, they have a long road ahead of them and when they look back on this day, I hope it’s with renewed clarity and thanks for everything the good doctor and his staff have done for them.

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(S01E07) ‘Human Target’ returned to the tube with a fun episode packed with big explosions, clever gags, an exotic locale, and some femme fatale hotness. The hotness came courtesy of guest star Leonor Varela, the latest in a string of babes we’ve seen pair up with Chance during the show’s freshman season (according to star Mark Valley, she definitely won’t be the last).

Varela did a fine job playing Maria, one of Chance’s old flames – an old flame who could’ve turned out to be “the one” for Chance, if only he would’ve stuck around to find out. But, as our boy explained midway through this ep, he left her because everyone he’s ever gotten close to “has been taken away.”

Was Chance making a reference to Katherine Walters here, the woman we found out about a few episodes ago? The woman he was in love with? The woman whose death he might be responsible for?

Continue reading ‘Human Target’ – ‘Salvage & Reclamation’ Recap

Filed under: Other Drama Shows, Episode Reviews, Reality-Free, Episode Recaps

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(S01E16) Sometimes it’s important to realize that there are things going on in your kids lives that you know nothing about. It’s important, but horrible at the same time. It certainly makes me afraid for when my son becomes a teenager. If they can keep a relationship with a Hollywood superstar a secret, imagine what else you don’t know?

Okay, Alexa Vega, of ‘Spy Kids’ fame, wasn’t playing herself but she was playing Axl’s secret girlfriend. A girlfriend that on the surface seemed way too good to be true. I certainly didn’t trust her.

The remainder of the episode spotlighted an all too common phenomenon. What happens when kids watch scary movies at too young of an age. When I was Brick’s age, I made the mistake of walking into the living room to ask my mom a question during the wrong part of ‘The Exorcist.’ Later, an encounter with ‘Psycho’ had me showering with my eyes open for more than a decade.

Continue reading ‘The Middle’ – ‘The Break Up’ Recap

Filed under: OpEd, Episode Reviews, Reality-Free

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(S01E17) Dammit! Wives are more right than we’d like to admit, aren’t they, guys? I was convinced Claire was completely overreacting to Phil’s Faceook communications with his ex-girlfriend. My wife and I both have several people from our pasts that we talk to online, and it is completely innocent.

If anything, perhaps the events of this episode could be criticized by saying that they are promoting negative sexual stigmas attached to social networking sites. While the sites do have their dangers, they’re certainly not worthy of fear-mongering.

But I’m not going to jump on that soap box. Instead, I’m going to say that this episode was absolutely brilliant. Everything from Flyza Minelli to “A little bit louder” was pitch perfect comedy. I laughed out loud more at this episode than I do entire seasons of most comedy series.

Continue reading ‘Modern Family’ – ‘Truth Be Told’ Recap

Filed under: OpEd, Episode Reviews, Reality-Free, Modern Family

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(S01E17) “When Andy and I met, we were in the same circle of friends, but basically, it was just a doink chain that I worked my way around.” – Ellie

Wow, Grayson is really stepping up his Jules love, isn’t he? Obviously he’s been into her for a while now, but I didn’t think we were quite to the point of threatening neighbors and scaling houses to drop threatening notes down chimneys. It’s pretty sweet, really. I also like how their relationship is being written now. Instead of going the typical sitcom route and having Jules be oblivious to Grayson’s feelings for her, they’re keeping it as something that’s acknowledged but unspoken between them, because neither one is ready to take the plunge. It really works for me.

Speaking of things working, the whole “gay trap” thing was honestly pretty offensive at first, but it just ended up being so funny, especially when Jules lady-gay trapped Ellie with an Indigo Girls song, that I couldn’t get too upset about it.

Continue reading ‘Cougar Town’ – ‘Counting on You’ Recap

Filed under: Episode Reviews, Reality-Free, Cougar Town

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(S14E01) In an ‘America’s Next Top Model’ first, the premiere spends 90 minutes on the casting episode. Luckily for the viewers, the camp factor is severe this season. Not only in the first two minutes of the show did one contestant compare her fellow contestants as “bitches,” we got a lot of really weird back stories and quips. Where does Tyra find these women? They were part of religious cults, impregnated on their first time, and Krista is afraid of white men’s “pink penises” because they look like “raw meat.”

Tyra decides to knock off Myspace with what she called “MyFiercePage” to cut the semi-finalists to the final thirteen contestants. This would have been really edgy in 2007, but now anything Myspace related feels lazy and outdated. If Tyra created “FierceBook,” I would have found it more believable.

Continue reading ‘America’s Next Top Model’ – ‘Be My Friend, Tyra!’ Recap

Filed under: Other Reality Shows, OpEd, Episode Reviews

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Quick! Someone explain to Simon what a “binky” is. After a weird show opening on Tuesday involving Ellen sitting on his lap, Ryan starts the show on Wednesday asking why Kara and Simon are sitting so close together this season. He then calls Kara Simon’s “binky,” which confuses Simon greatly. All in all, the lady judges cannot get enough of Mr. Cowell this week.

Tonight’s episode is really exciting, because for the first time so far, it’s going to be kind of difficult to find two contestants to eliminate. Overall it’s a strong night of performances, with a couple of pleasant surprises. I definitely have my favorite, how about you?

Continue reading ‘American Idol’ – ‘Top 8 Boys Compete’ Recap

Filed under: American Idol, Judges, Reviewcaps, Contestants, Performances, Host, Reality-Free

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